Hot In Okieland

It's so hot here the egg won't fry on the sidewalk because it's already hard boiled before you can crack it open. It's not the heat that is so brutal, but the 30 and 40 mph wind that seems to never die out. I now know what a blast furnace feels like.

It's so hot here that the other day the farmer that runs cows next to my place lost his herd. He had planted popcorn, it got so hot it all popped, the cows saw all that white popcorn on the ground, thought it was snow and froze to death. I tell ya, its brutal here.

The weather report might as well be a recording: Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for two months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren desert? We've had 2.88 inches of rain this year. The grass is as dead as in winter, at least I don't have to mow.

A buddy missed his cat sneaking into his car the other morning. When he went out to lunch the cat had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over his Lexus' leather interior. He told the kids it ran away. Now when you walk by his car it smells like Kibbles and S@%#.

Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seating in the ol' car. I thought my butt was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh.

If someone else wise cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I may be calling you for bail money.

A little update:

The Southwestern part of Oklahoma has been put into the "exceptional drought" category. That's about as bad as it gets on a climatological scale. 33% of the State is effected in this category. As you move east it is less severe. According to the stats, this is the driest year since 1921. Dust bowl was in the 30's after years of drought and over farming of the land.